You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
