My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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