a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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