How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
