All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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