I puked a lego.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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