I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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