If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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