so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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