my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
