Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
