im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
