He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
