Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
