Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
