The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
