My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Someone came in the potted fern
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
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