If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
