nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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