I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
