Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
