i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
