Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
