wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Randomize
