Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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