Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize