My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
