i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
