So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
