It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
