my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
