Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
