She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
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