I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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