So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
