do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
