i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
