the new term for farting is butt boxing.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
