is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
