My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
