omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
