When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
