I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
