soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
How's work?
Spinning.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
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