If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
