My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
