drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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