Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
