I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
