Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
