but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
