I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
