Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Randomize
