Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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