you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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