I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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