The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
