He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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