I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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