do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
false alarm, still single
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