Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
