He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Do you have feelings for this penis?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
