At least make sure they are 18
Why
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
