got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
