OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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