Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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