You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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