A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
