His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Randomize
