I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
