is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
