I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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